by MattW - November 22, 2004

2004 will go down in gaming history as a very good year. Within a month of each other, 3 of the most anticipated titles of all time have been released, along with a wealth of other games to choose from. How do you divide your time and money from so many titles? For starters, cross Terrorist Takedown off of your list of games that might actually be worth said money and time. This mindless arcade style shooter would have benefited from some crazy power-ups, bonus stages, hell, ANYTHING, but sadly, it�s all of the Serious and none of the Sam. Set in �terrorist-ridden lands,� it�s your job to shoot, blow up, and otherwise kill anything that moves. And we�re the good guys?

Evil, Devil Worshipping, Baby Eating, Animal Abusing Terrorists!

Terrorist Takedown is more or less a giant rail shooter. You know those helicopter rides in the Grand Theft Auto series where you have automatic weapons? It�s like that, only with less incentive. Everything that can/needs to be shot is outlined in a red cursor. More than once, I saw a cursor but no enemy, only to shoot at the cursor and see a terrorist fall over dead. Perhaps they have cloaking devices? A few levels find you piloting a helicopter, but the controls make the change of pace rather unwelcome as you struggle to turn around and slide your target all over the map to shoot missiles and single pixels (terrorists) and clumps of pixels (terrorists on power-wheels). Levels vary from way to easy to so ridiculous you�ll wonder if you�re still playing the same game. Assuming you make it past the unfair levels, this game will take around an hour or two to beat.

Mission briefs go something like this: �Help the convoy get into the city. Be careful there is a lot of terrorist activity!� Never are we told what city we�re going to, who the terrorists are, what our conflict with them is, or what�s on the convoy. I found that it was much more entertaining to make up your own story. In my game, the convoy was full of copies of Terrorist Takedown, and the terrorists were really just trying to prevent it from reaching store shelves. The only problem with my version is that I wanted to HELP them destroy the convoy, so for purposes of the review I had to forge ahead storyless and alone.

Shoot Those Pixels Before They Shoot You!

As previously mentioned, the �cloaking devices� on some enemies made the game a bit confusing at times. Since all the locations are in the desert, they all look pretty much identical with the exception of your perspective or if there are fires burning. The gun that sits in front of you most of the time is fairly detailed, but they didn�t save much of that detail for anything else. However, there�s usually so much motion that the lack of detail doesn�t matter much as you�re too busy killing the locals and wondering how much longer you can play before you get bored.

These Soldiers Have Less Emotion Than Micheal Dukakis

The music in Terrorist Takedown is all early 90�s generic metal guitar victory music, giving it even more of an arcade feel. The sound effects aren�t good or bad, they just kind of see the action along. The only thing in the sound department worth mentioning is also probably the most entertaining part of the game: the voice acting. There were times when I had to pause the game because I was laughing too hard to keep playing. Your emotionless comrades will yell out helpful things like, �Try to shoot them before they shoot you!� and �You missed one he�s shooting up our ass!� Speaking of the word ass, it seems to be a favorite among the soldiers, as it�s in almost every line you hear. My personal favorite: �We�re surrounded by badass terrorists!� Badass, indeed.

At $20, and 5 Minutes of Fun... That's $4 Per Minute

I�ve probably established by now that this game is entertaining for about 5 minutes. Within that 5 minutes you�ll probably complete 3 missions and then groan as those 3 missions proceed to repeat themselves with varying lengths and difficulty. Younger gamers may enjoy it for it�s accessibility, but mowing down tons of guys while people yell obscenities doesn�t sound like the kind of game that younger gamers should be playing in the first place. It would be easier to like this game if it were in an arcade and cost 25 cents to play, but as a PC title it falls short in every possible category.

Short Just Got Shorter

Not only are the missions (and game) extremely short, they also only have 1 difficulty setting. The game doesn�t keep track of points, kills, shots fired, or anything else for that matter. There are no power-ups, bonuses, or incentives of any kind to vary the gameplay or to make you come back once you�ve gotten bored of it. On a positive note, there are virtually no load times, so while you�re skipping between stages, you don�t have to stare at a load screen which is longer than the level. The game also appears to be stable, which is more than I can say for a lot of budget titles that have found their way to my desk lately.

Well I Am Kinda Thirsty

Save your money for any of the blockbuster titles released this month. Terrorist Takedown needs to be taken down off the shelves, and possibly put into a land fill like all of those ET Atari games out in Arizona. However, if you�re tired of your sodas leaving moisture on your desk and need a nice coaster to put underneath them, Terrorist Takedown won't disappoint.